Blind people can be abusive, too
Here’s an interesting conundrum that a lot of able-bodied people struggle with.
How “helpful” should one be towards a disabled person, without appearing to be condescending, or patronising?
Every now and then you might see a wheelchair user struggling up a curb or a step. Do you offer to help, and risk offending him/her, or do you leave them be, confident that they know what they’re doing? It’s a tricky situation, for sure.
But how about a blind person? A young Auckland high school student found the answer to this question in a rather unfortunate recent incident aboard a train home from school. This, from the Auckland Trains blog:
Good on the young student who tonight stood up in a very crowded train to offer the visually impaired guy with a cane a seat.
The poor student wasn’t ready for the dressing down he got with the suggestion he was being patronising.
Refusing the offer, the man said: “Do I look like I can’t stand? Do I look like I haven’t got two feet? Why would I need to sit down.”
The student apologised and looked most upset to be dressed down with a crowded audience listening.
Interesting. How would you explain to the student what’s going on?
Indeed it is interesting, and kinda upsetting, yeah? Blind, physically disabled, whatever; I consider myself lucky to live in a country where people actually do offer to help, coz I’m sure that isn’t the case elsewhere in the world! If you don’t want to accept someone’s help, at least be reasonable about it.
Anyway, your thoughts?
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OMG WTF
If someone offered me a seat I would take it!, I know a guy who is like that and he's a Wheelchair user like us, if someone is staring and watching as his car hoist comes down or up he has a nut at them, one time a lady asked if she could watch as she had never seen one before, he went to refuse until his partner pointed out that at least this lady had asked, he let her.
If they're just being polite about it, what's to stop you being polite back? The person is probably going to be really discouraged to offer help because of that. Having an attitude like that doesn't help, it just creates a stigma that we don't need! I know that it can sometimes be frustrating to constantly have someone asking if you want help, but how are they supposed to know that they're the last in a long line? They're just trying to be adaptable and help you out
We grumble when we aren't asked if we need help then we complain when we are!, the able bodied have a no win situation with us, I went on our local radio station for a 'ask a blind person anything' morning and one mother rang and asked how to teach her children it was ok to ask as her friends who were blind told them off if they asked.
I said to tell them that it is ok to ask if the person if they need help, the worst we can say is no.
Anyone can have a bad day. Perhaps it was the fifteenth time he’d been offered unnecessary help. Then again, perhaps he was just trying to get people to think rather than just feel (pity?). And perhaps it occurred to him later that the student in question might not have thought him incapable of standing, but might have remembered stumbling around in the middle of the night and decided that someone with full vision might find balancing on a moving train less of a problem. We don’t know, and I think most of us can see both sides of this.
The other day I was out and about, conquering a pathetic little slope in my manual wheelchair. I spent an uncomfortable few months in hospital and rehab recently (pancreatitis–which I really cannot recommend) and I’m still weak, but, hey, it was great to be out and about doing things entirely un-medical and enjoying actual sunshine instead of vitamin D supplements. I’m sure I wore a goofy grin. A man came out of the shop I was making for and, apparently deciding that, all smiles aside, I was having difficulty with that little slope, asked if I needed help. Okay, so he asked my MOTHER, who was getting something out of the car nearby. She politely explained that I enjoyed pushing myself about and it was best to leave me to it. We shopped. On another day, I might have said something to the man, but it was a good day and I’d not been blithely condescended to all morning and all I heard was the kindness of the offer and the fact that here was someone who didn’t walk around ignoring his fellow humans. People are people, with disabilities or without, we get annoyed for no reason or for plenty of reason, we express our frustrations or we bottle them up. I wonder now whether I would have reacted differently had that man’s offer occurred in a crowded area full of listening strangers–embarrassment increases with the audience, after all. But it was a lovely day and I’m glad I didn’t ruin it by ranting at a man who genuinely meant no harm and who, more importantly, wouldn’t have been any better for hearing it.
/ramble.
if people ask me if I need help I reply in a friendly manner. yes please or no thanks. There was one time I went to at a council meeting and the receptionist asked me after the meeting if I needed a taxi. No thanks I m driving to the office. geezzzz
While it is churlish to be rude when someone offers help it is probably a case of immaturity and not feeling comfortable in one’s own skin. It just goes to show that some disabled people are pleasant and some not, just like the rest of the world.
and its not just limited to able-bodied people. I am deaf myself, and have had situations where I’m unsure whether to offer help to say a blind person or a wheelchair user when they look like they are struggling. As a disabled (in the sense of my hearing) person, I’m used to being condecended to, but am not used to being in the other role, where I want to help someone, but unsure of how to offer – bit of an eye opener for me the first time, and its impacted on how I regard people who misguidedly and niavely insult me somehow.