Please. Don’t shake my hand.
Perhaps I can attribute this bout of late-night frustration to a rather dull Saturday, or my penchant for insomnia-induced rants, but however I justify it, I’m here to say how much I hate shaking people’s hands. It’s not so much that I’m an impersonable recluse who shies away from meeting people, quite the opposite in fact. It’s simply that, for a guy with hands as appallingly undextrous as mine, attempting to shake hands with people is like telling someone who can’t roll their tongue to, well, roll their tongue.
Admittedly, I have my moments. Some days I’m all about the handshake. Hell, on the odd occasion I’ll even extend a somewhat bony arm and initiate the damn thing. However, most times handshaking is an awkward process. You must consider:
Proximity: You have to be close to someone to shake their hand. The only problem is, forgetting to take into account footplates and front wheels can often mean you’ve belted their shins or run over their toes before you’ve had a chance to shake their hand. How’s that for a first impression!
Temperature: Those with experience of cerebral palsy will know what I’m talking about here. If I’m cold, or more importantly if my arm is cold, you can forget about shaking my hand, as it will be clamped firmly to my chest. Involuntarily, mind, but clamped nonetheless.
Gangsta handshakes: Oh lord, these are the worst. You know the kind I’m talking about, where you clap hands and slowly pull apart, often ending with a finger click. Do you know how much co-ordination that requires?! I’ll tell you what though, the one or two times I’ve ‘landed’ a gangsta handshake rank pretty highly on my list of all-time achievements. Honest.
In a nutshell, I implore all disabled people, and anyone who meets a disabled person for the first time, to forget the handshake. Start with an eyebrow raise, a shoulder clap, or even a knuckle-touch (my personal favourite).
The world will be better for it.
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Haha that will be just fine Evie!!
Yeah handshakes can be gross. Just think of the germs! Lol..
Heck if I met you – I would smother you with hugs and other things – would that be ok ? Handshakes are so out and uncomfortable anyway! I did it for the first time in ages the other day and was like 'Oh Yuck!'
haha. i don't think i've ever shook your hand… i'll remember not to in the future! haha
I agree, tried the knuckle-touch today. got somefunny looks , but much better for me. will use it in hte future.
Red, When you talked about gangster handshakes, I thought you meant the type where you shake hands and then both of you twist your bodies into each other to do a kind of weird mucho mutual nipple rub. I can tell you, if anyone tried to do this with me either myself or both people would end up rolling round on the floor and I would endure the rigamotus for the next fifteen minutes.
Hahaha no, that would be hilarious though ;D
You know the type I mean though? All the cool kids do 'em. I try, and fail tragically
i prefer the cp 'shake, where you go to shake hands but then move your hand about so you never quite touch – no germs, kinda gangsta, freaks suits out big time :p
Heehee SO gonna give that a try when I go work for Saatchis
now I'll stay in touch..
Have you ever been part of the awkward….I’m meeting you…do I shake your hand……am I going to offend you if I don’t…..am I going to offend you if I do…..I’m just going to look at your hand awkwardly for a while….then make a half-movement…AAARGHHHHH!! too much thinking for a handshake!
No way, I’ve been a part of those all too often. I’d rather grab the bloody hand and shake it. At least that way there’s a possibility of non-awkwardness. (Except in your case Red, now I know, and I won’t shake your hand.)