Prostitution offers a important aspect to disabled mens lives, they should certainly not be excluded from it.

I've done a bit of reading on how confused one gets too, when one grows up with lotsa people always insisting that they know what your feelings are, even better than you do. We can protest all we want about this, and run from it, but the ramifications when this happens early on a lot in our development takes understanding in order to subdue, I think. This can also affect what we encounter when broaching intimacy, if we let it. I've seen so many damned defences go up, again, that's extremely sad to witness too.

When I said above about an impact on others, I wasn't really following on from the other experiences I mentioned. Of course no one can be ultimately reponible for every little contingency in the way others may react in any given situation. What I was trying to mention was more to do with how, during sexual expression, the individuals are entrusting each other with what maybe some of the most vulnerable aspects of what makes them whoever they are.

perhaps a little outta synch,

k

In all my 35yrs, deep, deep, down, I'm sorry, but I just cannot understand the real issues here regarding sex applying carte blanche to all crips really. Um, I've read material on the so-called issue 'til it comes out my ears, but I just don't quite get it. Sure, I've been as lonely and as frustrated as hell at occasional times in my life, but … um … ain't that just coz I'm human? I think the issue is quite tainted by a natural curiousity that, in effect, has us revisiting it over and over and over again, wondering just what is the issue. Make no mistake, though, the practicalities, and the emotions, can all be tough. Tougher for some more than others, I guess.

Who wants someone who only looks at the surface? And surely, once you're with someone, working things out is half the fun.

Twenty years, changing legislation in the NZ case, and "they're" still going on about prostitutes… I need a lie down. Yawn. I'm just plain bored and wanna doze off. Seriously, though, perhaps harping over matters physical and logistical and on public acceptance is a good way to sometimes avoid a concurrent maintaining of emotional growth and maturity. I do respect though, that this is kind of blaming the victim in the circumstances when such growth and maturity has never been an issue. As in the whole population, we're all different.

I personally understand very well that stage of just wanting a quick bonk, and it has scared me for years that I may be turning into a puritanical old sour pus ('scuse the awful pun), but I thoroughly appreciate the comments of Ian Kemmish and Alpha Beta after the original article. I now would agree that it is a strange form of self-confidence that Asta talks about receiving from sex workers. When younger, it made sense to me for others to think in Asta's way too, but the visceral reaction I had when hearing someone I loved spout the same beliefs while looking right past me, had me questioning far too much about my own feelings that I pretended didn't matter. Amongst very complex emotions that at that stage I couldn't make head nor tails over, I hated the thought that I was just being some judgmental and moralistic old prude.

Another friend of mine used to tease me about how I could use prostitutes, as he had seen a girl on TV with CP testify to doing this. Outside I would laugh, inside, I felt like I was crumbling to bits. No, it wasn't me moralising, I was just hurt that apparently, I wouldn't be enough.

In turn, I'd be very turned off if approached by someone who reckons he's acquired his confidence with women through using prostitutes. It sounds bizzare right now as I type it out, but that was the rationale that friends have tried to argue.

Today, wherever anything is legal, however, I'd still maintain that crips have just as much right to be as dopey as the next sucker. Could it be said that there is a lack in recognizing that just like everyone else, we need access to guidance in caring about the emotional wellbeing of ourselves and others? This maybe even moreso when someone's sexuality is underacknowledged – any understanding of our sexuality surely must include our potential to impact on others. For those seeming to look for whatever they'd regard as greater awareness and understanding, I hope they never give up looking both ways.

But, I guess I could ease up in my commentary, noting Asta's age.

Cheers – this site is a great easing into disability guff that I know I've had to approach at my own level – and no more – for so long.

how women will treat you depends a lot on your character, attitude and charm. also it depends on women you hang around with.

brothels are cool if you like it. but, not as the only option for disabled.

there are two kinds of people – open-minded and close-minded.

honestly, UK women are far from great whether you're disabled or an AB. thank God, UK has got a great choice of ladies from whole globe. not to mention cheap plane tickets to czech, hungary, spain.

I believe having that someone special, and talking about what you like and what you don't like in sex is pretty important. I mean, we do have our limitations in our movements and yet taking time to experiment with a partner or boyfriend who adores us is definitely the way to go.

I used to have a lot more flexibility with my legs but I don't have much of that now. So basically the choice is ours to make. Do we just give up and stop what we enjoy doing? Nope! Never do that! Communictation is very important. Never stop communicating with your boyfriend or partner the language of love and how you feel about it, cause some way or another things can happen just the way it should be.

I believe that the more we share our views on the issue of sex, the more open we get in expressing ourselves.

I remember when my ex partner had asked my mum, what would happen if I got pregnant, and my mum's reply was, how can I get pregnant? … I had to giggle. Now I didn't get mad at my mum, but kinda told her that I know I'm disabled but at the same time I do have feelings and I kinda like having sex! She totally freaked out! lol. I guess her thoughts were rather shallow thinking that here is a man who loves her daughter and that he will take care of her and nothing else. Our families, our friends and the public needs to be educated and we are the ones to do that! We need to verbally voice our thoughts and hey it's ok to do that. No matter what sort of disabilities we have, no one has the right to stop us from expressing ourselves when it comes to talking about sex, or wanting to have sex for that matter .